Yep, I'm branching out! The original plan was to do a movie a week every Friday, but a lot of personal stuff stopped me from getting anything done earlier this month. So to make up for it, we're ending October strong with a different horror movie review every two days until the end of the month. Some I've seen, some I haven't, some I like, some I don't. We'll cap it all off with a mini-Halloween marathon on the last three days of the month.
This is a new thing I'm trying, so I guess all I can do is hope you guys enjoy!
- Let me start by saying that the Leprechaun series is dumb. It’s very, very stupid. But you know what? I love it. They’re stupid popcorn flicks that just aren’t meant to be taken seriously and that’s really why I love them so much, and why I believe they work so well. So that’s why I chose this as my first movie review; this movie looks to take itself incredibly seriously, which goes against the entire point of these movies. So I see a lot of anger in this review, which is what I know you guys want. So let’s get into it.
Leprechaun: Origins
- Hmm, Lionsgate… The people who brought us “Saw”, “The Cabin in the Woods”, and “Buried”… We could be in for something good. Then again, they did bring us “Twilight”… Also written, directed, and produced by a bunch of people I’ve never heard of!
- The producer was in an episode of Goosebumps once though.
- And I quit when I saw WWE Studios. Why is that even a thing!? I looked it up and damn, movies like “The Marine”, “The Marine 2”, “The Marine 3”… It’s just a studio to pimp out their wrestlers! And wait a minute… they did fucking “Oculus”!? I haven't seen it yet, but they did that!?
- These kids must be running from the man who pitched them this film.
- I’m sorry movie, but you aren’t fooling me. This is a movie about a fucking killer leprechaun. That opening sequence didn’t make me scared, it made me wonder why they didn’t just punt the little fucker.
- I don’t know who the hell this “Hornswoggle” is but he’s sure to be no Warwick Davis.
- Well it’s good to see that Mark made it out of Freddy’s dream world alive. (Obligatory “Freddy vs. Jason” joke? Check.)
- Um, it’s not a tourist destination because it’s the middle of bumfuck Ireland. Note that I will give this movie credit for being the first of the series to actually take place in fucking Ireland.
- I’m Irish. Should I know anything about the culture? Because I don’t.
- Are we really trying to establish character in a Leprechaun movie?
- …Stonehenge?
- “A lot of things we like to keep private.” So you’re all very well aware of the killer Oompa Loompa and you’re just trapping these kids? That could be cool if the people turned out to be the real villains of the movie and maybe the leprechaun was just misunderstood, but they’re not clever enough for that are they?
- So who’s gonna die first? I vote Ben, seeing as he’s the one that didn’t want to go. Then again, maybe that means he’ll last longer than the others. These are things that are hard to read.
- Yeah, the son being concerned about how many kids are in this group and the father telling him it’s fine certainly bodes well for the group.
- The father killed someone for that watch. These guys are so evil. Whether they’re involved with the Leprechaun or not remains to be seen, but they are totally evil.
- No power? Count me out. Also, obviously no cell service.
- Rolex on the post… why?
- Not really sure what’s being implied here with Ben and Sophie. Does she live in Ireland? Because I was under the impression that they all came from the states. They’re not really making that clear.
- Oh man, I’m going to hate David aren’t I?
- Jeni dies here, mark it.
- Good lord Jeni is overreacting.
- “Do you have a key?” Does that matter if it’s fucking locked from the outside?
- Also, oh no, the door is locked. If only we could break a window or something.
- Oh, the windows are barred. Nevermind.
- The Leprechaun sees like a Predator?
- I’m actually willing to bet that whatever is chasing them around the cabin isn’t the actual Leprechaun. Just a feeling I have.
- And really? He got stuck under a fucking bed frame? This is our villain? That’s almost as bad as aliens who can’t get through wooden doors.
- I don’t know about you guys, but for what happened to David’s leg, he’s being pretty damn calm.
- Yeah, run to the house of the people you just said tried to have you killed.
- …David’s own girlfriend left him to die? Are you kidding me? Yeah, way to make me like these characters. Sophie’s the end girl, you can tell because she’s the only fucking nice one.
- I’m actually getting kind of concerned about what the hell is going to happen for the remainder of the movie. It already feels like it’s in some sort of final chase scene, and we still have just south of an hour to go.
- Oh no! Shoes!
- Alright, I’m torn. I know I said earlier that it would be a nice twist if they humans were the real bad guys, but the more I think about it, with how obviously evil these guys were… wouldn’t the better twist have been to have them turn out good? I mean, they were so obviously evil from square one, especially the son, so nobody could doubt this would be the outcome. But why not have them legitimately trying to protect our heroes and just failing horribly?
- Yeah, fight for what’s yours… unless it’s a killer fucking leprechaun in which case FUCKING MOVE.
- They kill outsiders? Are we in “Hot Fuzz” all of the sudden? It’s even got a similar locale!
- There is actually a nice twist in here about the son being the better person. I actually kind of thought he’d be the super bad one and the dad would be slightly unsure of what they’re doing. And what the hell are they doing exactly? My guess is that they’re offering outsiders to the leprechaun as a sacrifice so he’ll leave them alone? Again I say yeah, nice plan but wouldn’t it be a hell of a lot easier to move? Sadder, yeah, but seriously.
- Are we going to talk about exactly where the leprechaun comes from? I mean we’re being told he was freed from a cave or something, but an origin story implies that we explore his actual fucking origins, not just when he started killing people. That’s like having an origin story for Freddy Kruger start at his first nightmare.
- And so the father and son are sacrificing people to make up for taking the leprechaun’s gold? I think I like my guess better. Because if I was the leprechaun, I would just kill them anyway. If someone stole something from me, I wouldn’t be satisfied if they just stole from someone else to give me what they owe.
- Oh, the father and son are back? It’s almost as if going into their house was a dumb idea.
- There’s a severe lack of green in this movie.
- How the hell did the son miss them? They were right there and the basement isn’t that dark.
- Ha. Ben’s like “You have a gun? I’ve got a blade!”
- Also, Ben… Ezra Fitz anyone?
- If the son kills his father to save these people, I will love him forever.
- The marks on the door are in a totally different place than where Sophie was hitting.
- The son turns good. Predictable, but acceptable.
- Not Ian! He was my favorite character!
- Good thing the father didn’t get hurt on all of the glass from that broken window!
- The old woman is evil too! Duh. It seriously is Sandford from “Hot Fuzz”.
- Come on son, kill your dad!
- …Kick the old guy in the nuts? I mean really, be smart about this.
- Okay, I’ll be honest. I kind of like the new design for the Leprechaun (I mean I can barely fucking see it but whatever) but was there any reason we couldn’t have Warwick Davis in this? I guess since it’s just a suit and doesn’t speak (so far at least) it doesn’t really matter who plays him, but since that’s the case, why was it such a huge deal to have Hornswoggle play the role when you can’t even tell it’s him?
- Would have been cooler if he just totally tore her tongue out.
- Yeah, either David just suddenly put on some weight, or that’s a fake stomach.
- How can nobody kill this thing? Compared to the original Leprechaun, he’s slow as shit and doesn’t even have any powers! Aren’t leprechauns supposed to be all about magic instead of just fucking eating people? You can change things up in a reboot, sure, but there are things you have to be faithful to as well. They are quite literally changing the entire fucking point of the Leprechaun here. But we’ll get to that a little more later.
- …Okay, I cannot lie. The way Jeni died took me totally by surprise and I actually give them credit for doing something a little different (hehe) than just having the Leprechaun kill every single one of these kids.
- That being said… IS THE LEPRECHAUN GOING TO KILL ANY OF THESE KIDS!?
- I’m still not sure how nobody can kill this fucking thing. Machine gun, anyone?
- So Sophie just realized that Ben is an asshole? I guess? I guess he’s an asshole. I can’t really get a grip on any of these characters.
- News alert: Leprechaun hates cars.
- And Ben dies. Ben dies?
- Well, at least Ben was smart enough to get back on his damn feet after he fell down. Only to… fall down again.
- You know what I just realized? This didn’t even need to be a Leprechaun movie. Look really carefully at his new design. Now tell me that you couldn’t see this just being a big-budget horror film about The Rake.
- He tore Ben’s spine out? Okay, that’s actually pretty cool.
- I’m actually bored. I’ve stopped the movie multiple times because I got distracted doing something else because this movie just isn’t pulling me in.
- Come on son, kill your dad! (Have we even learned their names yet?)
- Yep, the son just became the best character of the movie.
- That scene between the father and the son kind of reminded me of the end of the new “Last House on the Left”, only nowhere near as emotionally impacting because we literally know nothing about anybody that’s in this fucking movie.
- …The Leprechaun spared the son? So he has a conscience?
- Sophie has the Leprechaun on the back of the truck, continues to speed up hoping to lose him. Got it.
- Takes her almost a minute and half to think about brake-checking him. Got it.
- Is the sun coming up supposed to give us hope? Because we’re fighting a leprechaun, not Dracula. (Also, "Dracula Untold"? Not so great.)
- Oh yeah, I forgot about the two kids from the beginning because they were just so damn inconsequential.
- Okay, two things here. First, of all the things they decide to take from the original, it’s the Lucky Charms line? Shame.
- Second, that’s how he dies? He gets distracted and then gets his head chopped off? Again I have to ask, how the hell was nobody supposed to kill this thing before? We built up to the stones being the saving grace and they played literally no role in protecting anyone?
- Oh. It’s over. Okay…
- Also, way to save your one jumpscare for the very end of the fucking credits.
I didn’t care for it. It’s not bad, it just… exists. The only thing it does kind of different is that nobody really gets killed until the last third, but that’s about it. The characters were boring, never revealing anything beyond superficial details and qualities, making it impossible for me to care on a personal level when their time was finally up. By the end of the movie, I was rooting for Sophie to make it out alive not because I cared about her as a character, but because I’m not an awful human being. The son was the best character in my opinion, because he was the only one truly struggling with something beyond surviving. He was torn between doing what was right in his father’s eyes or doing what he himself felt was right. Even then, he just kind of… disappears after he turns to good officially, which sucks because I would have loved to see him be the one to end the Leprechaun once and for all.
Speaking of the Leprechaun… what the fuck!? The thing that makes the Leprechaun, as a character, interesting is the same thing that makes Freddy Kruger stand out; his personality. Sure, he was an evil little fucker but he had fun while he was killing people. It was like his favorite hobby. But this Leprechaun… he’s just another interchangeable movie monster. He eats people, no inventive ways to kill, no one-liners, no personality at all because he doesn’t even fucking talk. It’s one thing to change things about your lead villain in a horror reboot, but you need to stay somewhat faithful to the original. That’s why I loved Jackie Earle Hayley’s Freddy Kruger; he was way more sinister than the original, but he still maintained an occasional humorous edge to him. They completely removed everything that made the Leprechaun an original villain, and that’s exactly why I stated that this didn’t even need to be a “Leprechaun” movie; there was nothing to differentiate this as a “Leprechaun” film than any other cookie-cutter horror film nowadays. No original villain, no inventive characters, no stories that haven’t been done before (hell, barely a story at all) and it just dragged and dragged.
Real quick mention of the fact that this wasn't even a fucking origins story. All we ever heard was that the Leprechaun was freed from a cave. No mention of where he really came from, who he is, what he wants, anything like that. It might as well have just been a present-day sequel to the other films instead of a damn reboot.
So in short… I don’t know. I’m torn. Like I said, it’s not technically awful; Nothing truly offended me, and the only reason I was as bored as I was is because nothing happened for such a long time. It’s got some different ways of offing people, and I guess it at least tried to give us some more character and story than the other films in the franchise have, but at the end of the day it falls flat and just blends in with every other modern-day horror movie. I’d say give it a watch if you’re a fan of the series, but it’s a one-time thing. Not worthy of a rewatch.
10/22 – Friday the 13th (1980)
10/24 – The Stuff
10/26 – Hotel Transylvania
10/28 – Dead Alive
10/29 – Halloween / Halloween II
10/30 – Halloween H20: 20 Years Later / Halloween: Resurrection
10/31 – Halloween (2007) / Halloween II (2009)
This is a new thing I'm trying, so I guess all I can do is hope you guys enjoy!
----- ----- ----- ----- -----
- Let me start by saying that the Leprechaun series is dumb. It’s very, very stupid. But you know what? I love it. They’re stupid popcorn flicks that just aren’t meant to be taken seriously and that’s really why I love them so much, and why I believe they work so well. So that’s why I chose this as my first movie review; this movie looks to take itself incredibly seriously, which goes against the entire point of these movies. So I see a lot of anger in this review, which is what I know you guys want. So let’s get into it.
Leprechaun: Origins
- Hmm, Lionsgate… The people who brought us “Saw”, “The Cabin in the Woods”, and “Buried”… We could be in for something good. Then again, they did bring us “Twilight”… Also written, directed, and produced by a bunch of people I’ve never heard of!
- The producer was in an episode of Goosebumps once though.
- And I quit when I saw WWE Studios. Why is that even a thing!? I looked it up and damn, movies like “The Marine”, “The Marine 2”, “The Marine 3”… It’s just a studio to pimp out their wrestlers! And wait a minute… they did fucking “Oculus”!? I haven't seen it yet, but they did that!?
- These kids must be running from the man who pitched them this film.
- I’m sorry movie, but you aren’t fooling me. This is a movie about a fucking killer leprechaun. That opening sequence didn’t make me scared, it made me wonder why they didn’t just punt the little fucker.
- I don’t know who the hell this “Hornswoggle” is but he’s sure to be no Warwick Davis.
- Well it’s good to see that Mark made it out of Freddy’s dream world alive. (Obligatory “Freddy vs. Jason” joke? Check.)
- Um, it’s not a tourist destination because it’s the middle of bumfuck Ireland. Note that I will give this movie credit for being the first of the series to actually take place in fucking Ireland.
- I’m Irish. Should I know anything about the culture? Because I don’t.
- Are we really trying to establish character in a Leprechaun movie?
- …Stonehenge?
- “A lot of things we like to keep private.” So you’re all very well aware of the killer Oompa Loompa and you’re just trapping these kids? That could be cool if the people turned out to be the real villains of the movie and maybe the leprechaun was just misunderstood, but they’re not clever enough for that are they?
- So who’s gonna die first? I vote Ben, seeing as he’s the one that didn’t want to go. Then again, maybe that means he’ll last longer than the others. These are things that are hard to read.
- Yeah, the son being concerned about how many kids are in this group and the father telling him it’s fine certainly bodes well for the group.
- The father killed someone for that watch. These guys are so evil. Whether they’re involved with the Leprechaun or not remains to be seen, but they are totally evil.
- No power? Count me out. Also, obviously no cell service.
- Rolex on the post… why?
- Not really sure what’s being implied here with Ben and Sophie. Does she live in Ireland? Because I was under the impression that they all came from the states. They’re not really making that clear.
- Oh man, I’m going to hate David aren’t I?
- Jeni dies here, mark it.
- Good lord Jeni is overreacting.
- “Do you have a key?” Does that matter if it’s fucking locked from the outside?
- Also, oh no, the door is locked. If only we could break a window or something.
- Oh, the windows are barred. Nevermind.
- The Leprechaun sees like a Predator?
- I’m actually willing to bet that whatever is chasing them around the cabin isn’t the actual Leprechaun. Just a feeling I have.
- And really? He got stuck under a fucking bed frame? This is our villain? That’s almost as bad as aliens who can’t get through wooden doors.
- I don’t know about you guys, but for what happened to David’s leg, he’s being pretty damn calm.
- Yeah, run to the house of the people you just said tried to have you killed.
- …David’s own girlfriend left him to die? Are you kidding me? Yeah, way to make me like these characters. Sophie’s the end girl, you can tell because she’s the only fucking nice one.
- I’m actually getting kind of concerned about what the hell is going to happen for the remainder of the movie. It already feels like it’s in some sort of final chase scene, and we still have just south of an hour to go.
- Oh no! Shoes!
- Alright, I’m torn. I know I said earlier that it would be a nice twist if they humans were the real bad guys, but the more I think about it, with how obviously evil these guys were… wouldn’t the better twist have been to have them turn out good? I mean, they were so obviously evil from square one, especially the son, so nobody could doubt this would be the outcome. But why not have them legitimately trying to protect our heroes and just failing horribly?
- Yeah, fight for what’s yours… unless it’s a killer fucking leprechaun in which case FUCKING MOVE.
- They kill outsiders? Are we in “Hot Fuzz” all of the sudden? It’s even got a similar locale!
- There is actually a nice twist in here about the son being the better person. I actually kind of thought he’d be the super bad one and the dad would be slightly unsure of what they’re doing. And what the hell are they doing exactly? My guess is that they’re offering outsiders to the leprechaun as a sacrifice so he’ll leave them alone? Again I say yeah, nice plan but wouldn’t it be a hell of a lot easier to move? Sadder, yeah, but seriously.
- Are we going to talk about exactly where the leprechaun comes from? I mean we’re being told he was freed from a cave or something, but an origin story implies that we explore his actual fucking origins, not just when he started killing people. That’s like having an origin story for Freddy Kruger start at his first nightmare.
- And so the father and son are sacrificing people to make up for taking the leprechaun’s gold? I think I like my guess better. Because if I was the leprechaun, I would just kill them anyway. If someone stole something from me, I wouldn’t be satisfied if they just stole from someone else to give me what they owe.
- Oh, the father and son are back? It’s almost as if going into their house was a dumb idea.
- There’s a severe lack of green in this movie.
- How the hell did the son miss them? They were right there and the basement isn’t that dark.
- Ha. Ben’s like “You have a gun? I’ve got a blade!”
- Also, Ben… Ezra Fitz anyone?
- If the son kills his father to save these people, I will love him forever.
- The marks on the door are in a totally different place than where Sophie was hitting.
- The son turns good. Predictable, but acceptable.
- Not Ian! He was my favorite character!
- Good thing the father didn’t get hurt on all of the glass from that broken window!
- The old woman is evil too! Duh. It seriously is Sandford from “Hot Fuzz”.
- Come on son, kill your dad!
- …Kick the old guy in the nuts? I mean really, be smart about this.
- Okay, I’ll be honest. I kind of like the new design for the Leprechaun (I mean I can barely fucking see it but whatever) but was there any reason we couldn’t have Warwick Davis in this? I guess since it’s just a suit and doesn’t speak (so far at least) it doesn’t really matter who plays him, but since that’s the case, why was it such a huge deal to have Hornswoggle play the role when you can’t even tell it’s him?
- Would have been cooler if he just totally tore her tongue out.
- Yeah, either David just suddenly put on some weight, or that’s a fake stomach.
- How can nobody kill this thing? Compared to the original Leprechaun, he’s slow as shit and doesn’t even have any powers! Aren’t leprechauns supposed to be all about magic instead of just fucking eating people? You can change things up in a reboot, sure, but there are things you have to be faithful to as well. They are quite literally changing the entire fucking point of the Leprechaun here. But we’ll get to that a little more later.
- …Okay, I cannot lie. The way Jeni died took me totally by surprise and I actually give them credit for doing something a little different (hehe) than just having the Leprechaun kill every single one of these kids.
- That being said… IS THE LEPRECHAUN GOING TO KILL ANY OF THESE KIDS!?
- I’m still not sure how nobody can kill this fucking thing. Machine gun, anyone?
- So Sophie just realized that Ben is an asshole? I guess? I guess he’s an asshole. I can’t really get a grip on any of these characters.
- News alert: Leprechaun hates cars.
- And Ben dies. Ben dies?
- Well, at least Ben was smart enough to get back on his damn feet after he fell down. Only to… fall down again.
- You know what I just realized? This didn’t even need to be a Leprechaun movie. Look really carefully at his new design. Now tell me that you couldn’t see this just being a big-budget horror film about The Rake.
- He tore Ben’s spine out? Okay, that’s actually pretty cool.
- I’m actually bored. I’ve stopped the movie multiple times because I got distracted doing something else because this movie just isn’t pulling me in.
- Come on son, kill your dad! (Have we even learned their names yet?)
- Yep, the son just became the best character of the movie.
- That scene between the father and the son kind of reminded me of the end of the new “Last House on the Left”, only nowhere near as emotionally impacting because we literally know nothing about anybody that’s in this fucking movie.
- …The Leprechaun spared the son? So he has a conscience?
- Sophie has the Leprechaun on the back of the truck, continues to speed up hoping to lose him. Got it.
- Takes her almost a minute and half to think about brake-checking him. Got it.
- Is the sun coming up supposed to give us hope? Because we’re fighting a leprechaun, not Dracula. (Also, "Dracula Untold"? Not so great.)
- Oh yeah, I forgot about the two kids from the beginning because they were just so damn inconsequential.
- Okay, two things here. First, of all the things they decide to take from the original, it’s the Lucky Charms line? Shame.
- Second, that’s how he dies? He gets distracted and then gets his head chopped off? Again I have to ask, how the hell was nobody supposed to kill this thing before? We built up to the stones being the saving grace and they played literally no role in protecting anyone?
- Oh. It’s over. Okay…
- Also, way to save your one jumpscare for the very end of the fucking credits.
So, how was it?
I didn’t care for it. It’s not bad, it just… exists. The only thing it does kind of different is that nobody really gets killed until the last third, but that’s about it. The characters were boring, never revealing anything beyond superficial details and qualities, making it impossible for me to care on a personal level when their time was finally up. By the end of the movie, I was rooting for Sophie to make it out alive not because I cared about her as a character, but because I’m not an awful human being. The son was the best character in my opinion, because he was the only one truly struggling with something beyond surviving. He was torn between doing what was right in his father’s eyes or doing what he himself felt was right. Even then, he just kind of… disappears after he turns to good officially, which sucks because I would have loved to see him be the one to end the Leprechaun once and for all.
Speaking of the Leprechaun… what the fuck!? The thing that makes the Leprechaun, as a character, interesting is the same thing that makes Freddy Kruger stand out; his personality. Sure, he was an evil little fucker but he had fun while he was killing people. It was like his favorite hobby. But this Leprechaun… he’s just another interchangeable movie monster. He eats people, no inventive ways to kill, no one-liners, no personality at all because he doesn’t even fucking talk. It’s one thing to change things about your lead villain in a horror reboot, but you need to stay somewhat faithful to the original. That’s why I loved Jackie Earle Hayley’s Freddy Kruger; he was way more sinister than the original, but he still maintained an occasional humorous edge to him. They completely removed everything that made the Leprechaun an original villain, and that’s exactly why I stated that this didn’t even need to be a “Leprechaun” movie; there was nothing to differentiate this as a “Leprechaun” film than any other cookie-cutter horror film nowadays. No original villain, no inventive characters, no stories that haven’t been done before (hell, barely a story at all) and it just dragged and dragged.
Real quick mention of the fact that this wasn't even a fucking origins story. All we ever heard was that the Leprechaun was freed from a cave. No mention of where he really came from, who he is, what he wants, anything like that. It might as well have just been a present-day sequel to the other films instead of a damn reboot.
So in short… I don’t know. I’m torn. Like I said, it’s not technically awful; Nothing truly offended me, and the only reason I was as bored as I was is because nothing happened for such a long time. It’s got some different ways of offing people, and I guess it at least tried to give us some more character and story than the other films in the franchise have, but at the end of the day it falls flat and just blends in with every other modern-day horror movie. I’d say give it a watch if you’re a fan of the series, but it’s a one-time thing. Not worthy of a rewatch.
10/22 – Friday the 13th (1980)
10/24 – The Stuff
10/26 – Hotel Transylvania
10/28 – Dead Alive
10/29 – Halloween / Halloween II
10/30 – Halloween H20: 20 Years Later / Halloween: Resurrection
10/31 – Halloween (2007) / Halloween II (2009)
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