I'm really afraid of recovery.

Hello, this is my first post to Health Boards :) I'm a teenager, I was just diagnosed with OSFED on June 1. I was on my way to a clinic for girls with eating disorders and they took my EKG and vitals there. They said my heart rate was dangerously low and I had to stay at a hospital for about a week. That really surprised me because I had no idea my body had gotten this bad. I was sent to a hospital for children with eating disorders, and there I met with therapists, nurses, doctors, etc. It was all very overwhelming and scary and shameful to me and I was just afraid because this was all so so unexpected. I was on bed rest for the first three days, where I couldn't leave my room or walk around. I was given three large meals a day and three snacks a day, which was all very painful and hard for me. One meal was more than what I was used to eating in a day, and it was driving me insane that I was not allowed to know my weight or how much I gained.. So I stayed there for about a week, until my heart rate rose to 46 while sleeping, when it originally was 36. I was then allowed to go back home, but I was told not to exercise and to follow my meal plan chart that I received. I mostly have to stay in bed for now and only walk to go to the bathroom. I'm finding it really really hard to gain weight and keep eating like this. I think that my belly and legs are getting big and my face is getting chubby, which makes me really sad and ashamed and frustrated. It feels like all the work I've dedicated to losing weight is just being ended. My BMI is 19.5 and I do not want to raise that up because I am okay with my current weight and I do NOT want to gain more. I'm just feeling really depressed with all this. Am I bloating because of all the sudden intake of large amounts of food? Will the fat 'redistribute' all over my body? I'm really confused and I'd like some support. I want to be healthy and I want to be helped, but it is just hard.

I'm really afraid of recovery.